


bring on all the pretenders

by awesomeaislin



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Kinda Weird, M/M, but like fun weird
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 19:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16204127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomeaislin/pseuds/awesomeaislin
Summary: "But here he is all the same, watching Simon try to dig a hole in the frozen dirt to give a squirrel he’d seen on the street a funeral. (‘Everyone deserves a funeral, Baz!’, typical)"





	bring on all the pretenders

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda hate this, but I wrote it and then I kept writing it and now it's a thing so like yeah. It's kinda ridiculous but like fun ridiculous who even knows anymore.

Baz is pretty sure Simon Snow is still going to be the death of him, even if they aren’t mortal enemies. He doesn’t even think Simon intends on killing him, but it’s certainly what he’s achieving. 

 

Baz doesn’t even know how he came to be in this situation. How did Simon even manage to get him outside on a day like this? It’s the dead of winter. It’s so cold that Baz can see his own breath. And Simon still managed to get him outside. What does that say about Simon? What does that say about Baz?

But here he is all the same, watching Simon try to dig a hole in the frozen dirt to give a squirrel he’d seen on the street a funeral. (‘ _ Everyone deserves a funeral, Baz!’ _ , typical)

 

He’s not doing very well. As strong as he is, it takes alot more effort to dig a hole in frozen ground than it would be in the middle of summer. He’s doing such a poor job of it that Baz almost wants to go and help him. 

 

But Simon Snow doesn’t like to feel helpless, and Baz doesn’t want to help just in case it goes wrong. Plausible deniability is very important when it comes to dealing with Simon. Not just because of the frequent police stares he attracts, but also the wrath of Penelope if he does something too dumb(last time it was a five hour rant about ‘ _ you shouldn’t just EAT a whole jalapeno, Simon, are you kidding me?’). _ So Baz just lets him attempt to dig a hole even though it’s stupid, even though this is a public park, even though he’s getting glares from the 70 year old women’s walking group across the way. 

 

“It’s not working, Baz,” Simon eventually complains as if he doesn’t understand why.  _ Crowley,  _ does he really not understand why? “Is there anything else we can do?”

 

Baz doesn’t look up from his phone, “You could always set it on fire.” Baz knows that Simon’s about to comment on his unhealthy relationship with fire( _ ‘You’re flammable, Baz’),  _ so when Simon doesn’t say anything at all he’s concerned enough to look up. 

 

Simon isn’t anywhere near him. He’s marching off towards the fire pit with the squirrel in it’s makeshift cardboard casket. And Baz wonders why he isn’t getting paid for this. He deserves some kind of compensation for dealing with Snow on a daily basis. 

 

Baz manages to catch up to him just as he’s about to put the squirrel into the fire pit. “Christ, Snow, I know you love food, but are you really going to s’more the squirrel?”

 

“What?” He laughs. He’s always laughing and smiling when Baz is being a little bit mean. It’s unfair. 

 

“You can’t actually set the squirrel on fire,” Baz reminds him. 

“But you suggested it,” Simon rolls his eyes. Baz is pretty sure Simon didn’t use to roll his eyes as much as he does now. “Surely you wouldn’t suggest something if you didn’t think I should do it?” 

 

It’s a challenge and they both know it. 

 

“People eat food out of these, Snow, you can’t cook the squirrel in here.”

 

“Well yeah, I’m not cooking it, I’m cremating it,” Simon informs him. Like that’s a normal thing to say. Bunce will have a field day when she hears about this. She’ll taunt him to ages about how he even managed to let this happen.

 

“What the fuck?” He wonders aloud to noone in particular. He decides to just let it happen. It’s always easier to let Simon make dumb decisions and heal him after than force him to change his mind. He’s so stubborn it’s like convincing a brick wall to jump. 

 

When Simon unbelievably manages to set the squirrel on fire, Baz somehow manages to control his complete disbelief. “I did it!” Simon smiles. 

 

“Great,” Baz sighs. He can’t believe this is how his day is going. “Can we go home now?” It’s so very cold outside. Is it too much to ask to sit inside where you can at least be comfortable while you’re boyfriend hatches schemes to get himself hurt/injured/sick/free-wifi/ etc. 

“But Baz!” Simon laughs. “This is a funeral. You have to say something nice about the squirrel. He deserves it.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Baz rolls his eyes. 

 

“C’mon everyone deserves something nice said about them when they die,” Simon practically begs. 

 

Baz doesn’t know what to say that. How do you even respond to something like that? It’s not like he and the squirrel knew each other. It’s not like he even likes squirrels in general. What do they even add to everyday life?

 

“If you say something, we can go home,” Simon adds. 

 

Baz takes a deep breath and frowns at Simon. Simon beams back at him. “I don’t really see a point in this, but I suppose...” He closes his eyes so he can maybe imagine the smug look isn’t there. 

“And I don’t know where squirrels go where they die, but I hope, wherever that is, it’s everything you imagined.” When he opens his eyes again, Simon is wiping away tears. He didn’t even say anything that incredible. It was one sentence, and Simon is crying, over a squirrel. 

 

“Pull yourself together, Snow,” Baz rolls his eyes. 

 

“You’re such a nice person, Baz.” It takes alot not to smile about that. But Baz doesn’t. 

 

Instead, he complains, “It’s too bloody cold out here.” Simon smiles at him like Baz has said something nice to him. 

 

He comes closer and lands a peck on Baz’s cheek. 

 

“Still?” He smirks. 

 

Baz looks down and shakes his head a little. He wishes that winter would last a little longer. “Let’s go home, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you have any ideas for like other fics because im out of creativity (clearly)


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